Agenda

So, I guess i wrote this on Monday when Lindsey and I were in our lonnnggg math class...and just now got around to typing it...But, anywayyy...

Sometimes I feel like God has a checklist with my name on it--like all the things he has planned for me are listed and checked off as they are completed. But one of the biggest things that I struggle with is moving on when God checks off something.
When he says Lauren, good job, you've done what you need to do here and you've learned what you need to learn....but i just can't let it go yet. I feel like this is what prevents me from moving on to greater things.

Someone like Rachel Joy Scott (above picture--if you were wondering who the random girl was), who was shot in the Columbine shooting because she believed in God, who I've always made a role model of since I was little. I think she was an awesome person and I've felt kind of weirdly close to and inspired by her from reading her published journals and books and stuff... I feel like the reason she and other young people and babies who seem to have not had the chance to live yet have actually done just the opposite. God had a plan for her and when she completed it He brought her back to Him.
I believe that focusing so much on one piece of the puzzle keeps me from seeing the big picture. God's plan. Little, petty, earthly things could keep me from growing in the Lord. I dont know why I let that happen, or get so hung up on the smallest(sometimes seemingly large things).
I was in the car yesterday (not yesterday from this date, but from the date I wrote it haha) and I had an epiphany (sometimes you can hear something over and over, but it won't mean anything until a brick falls and hits you and you realize it for yourself). I remembered that God is completely in control of everything. Everything that is happening is contributing to paving the way to help me accomplish the tasks on my life's list, or a piece of the puzzle to the big picture.
All I am is a vessel--I need to get my hands out of things, go with the flow, and let Him use me.
It reminds me of when my sisters were little and asked mom if they could help her do whatever it was she was doing at the time. Sometimes, if it was a big job and it needed to go ahead and get done because we had to go somewhere or something, she would say no, just let me handle it because I already know how to do it and can get it done faster. Sometimes, she would let them help her because it was something that they needed to know how to do or learn from. Sometimes we just just need to stop and let daddy handle it and do what needs to be done in our lives and stop messing around because we don't have much time left!
I don't want to keep something from getting checked off--a life from being saved, a lesson from being learned, a step deeper into the Lord because I have been a stumbling block to myself.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. 16:9" [Proverbs 16:9]

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." [Colossians 3:2]

The Best/Worst Year

So, this school year has been super duper crazy...and I'm almost sad to see it end!
So many great things have happened, but so many other not so good things have happened too. I'm still kind of having trouble absorbing all of it.
Yesterday was super exciting...the baseball boys won their game...so proud of them! and varsity cheerleading was made by me, brenna, lindsey, and shelby! I am beyond excited about that. Can't wait to cheer with my girls!
So, summer is coming, and it's a little bittersweet because while I know last summer can't be topped, this summer will be great as well...
Still thanking God for every good and bad event that has happened this year because it wouldn't be complete without all of it!
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!" [Job 1:21]

It's all about HIM

I have the problem of comparing myself to other people...just going to start off being up front and honest. I do. Like most people, I have the things that I think are good about myself...but then there are just those times when i think about how I can't manage to keep up with so and so. Which leads me to the verse--

"He must become greater; I must become less." [John 3:30]

I always seem to come back to this verse when I start to make comparisons between myself and someone else who I wish certain things about me were like them.
It's not about me anyway.
I'm just a vessel of the Holy Spirit. That's all. Why should I try to worry about doing certain things to glorify myself? Not that I'm putting down bettering yourself at all because that's a great thing to do, but when it's done for attention, then it's wrong.
Lauren Candice Rudd. Her life should not be about her. It should be about Jesus Christ who she lives for. She shouldn't care what others think because all that is whatever.
Therefore, worries of being as good as/better than so and so should not even be present, if you get what im saying.

It all seems to tie back into one thing. Keeping God first.
There's no way that the Lord will become greater than you in your life, and the focus will be off of yourself if your eyes are on other things besides HIM. When He comes first the bad parts of you as a human will begin to fade...and He will be able to come through.

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me." [Exodus 20:3]

We've all heard the: even if you don't consider what you're doing a "god" at all...if it comes before God, it is a god before Him, lesson.
But it's true. Christianity isn't a part time show that you do on the side on Sunday and then go back to school on Monday and put whatever you feel like before Him. I see that too terribly often, and it's not okay.
Your friends will let you down, your boyfriend will let you down...they're only human, they can't fill the void. Your possessions, or your addictions, they for sure can't fill the void, and it will all turn out to be a big let down unless the foundation of your life is Jesus Christ--the solid rock.
All the encouraging Bible verses like: "I can do all things through Christ" and "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"...all those require faith.
If you are a part time Christian, your faith can't be that strong. Faith comes with devotion and trust. Peter, a disciple of Jesus even doubted Him while physically seeing Jesus and the miracles He performed. How can we, those who can't see him, expect to have faith that we can do all things through Him if we don't fully give our hearts up?
Like, if you talked to this random guy once a week for 5 minutes, you're missing a whole part of him. You don't know him, and you sure wouldn't trust tell him a huge secret and expect him to keep it, or trust him with your life.
Same with Jesus. You have to know Him, really know Him to understand how real He is. To comprehend that He can be your best friend even if you can't see Him. To trust that all those Bible verses that you can achieve the impossible through Him.
By YOURSELF, 9 times out of 10 you won't reach the goals and dreams that you set and reach for. But GOD makes the improbable, possible.

So, don't pull a Peter on God. Trust that He can help you walk on water if you put Him first, and take the focus off of your own self.

sorry all that was a little random haha...love much : )

The ones you hurt the most...

So, in eighth grade I had to remember and recite some poem. The one i chose was along the lines of "The Ones You Love the Most" or "The Ones You Hurt the Most". I honestly can't remember which the title was...and i can't find it to save my life. But, the gist was that the people who you love the most are the people who you end up causing the most pain sometimes. A lot of times with me personally, i find this to be true. I just get so comfortable with the people who i know the best, that i start to just kind of say whatever it is that I'm thinking at the time, just because i feel like it's expected of them to forgive me and just to get over it. It's pretty much a terrible habit to get into. I also have one of the shortest fuses with the people that I care about the most. People who i don't know can be terrible to me and I can just kind of let it roll off, but my best friends can do something extremely minor and i just blow a gasket. It's not a good thing at all.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." [Proverbs 15:1]


pa·tience
   /ˈpeɪʃəns/ [pey-shuhns]
–noun
1.
the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.
an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

I usually think the definition of patience as being the latter of the two definitions. But, the first definition seems to be the hardest one to follow for me.
"Patience is love for the long haul." It means slow to anger, or far from anger.

"It means that whatever you do to me you cannot make me hate you, nor can you make me seek revenge or make me hold bitterness or malice toward you. No matter what you do to me I will always seek your highest and best good.
And I will do this with joyfulness, peace and gentleness, because just like the colors of the rainbow, all connect with each other. So the fruit of the Spirit will remain connected with each aspect of the fruit."

People are taught to recognize other Christians by the fruit [of the spirit] that they produce.
"Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers." [Luke 6:44]
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faith, Gentleness, and Self-Control
--All of these fruits will not be able to be produced by someone who is not a Christian. It is only through Jesus in us that we are able to maintain a good attitude during tough times, and show love and the above virtues toward the most annoying people. When others on the outside look at me, I don't want them to think how short of a temper I have and how hard I am to deal with...I want to show Jesus to those who feel like they can't reach Him. I don't want to be a thorn bush or a brier...I want to be like a tree planted by the rivers of living water!

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." [Psalm 1:3]

So to tie it all together:
"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, SLOW TO ANGER, abounding in love and faithfulness." [Psalm 86:15]

I do not want to cause any disunity between myself and my family in Christ--especially not the ones who I absolutely adore the most : )

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus." [Romans 15:5]
--of course i definitely don't have the power to have all the fruit of the spirit without Jesus, but I plan to pray daily that they grow abundantly in my everyday life and that people will be able to see it in me!