Self Reflection

Sometimes I just get to thinking about where my life could possibly be headed, and am I doing what I need to be doing to keep it on the right track. I ask myself am I becoming the "young lady" that I want to be--that I had planned on becoming my whole life. Well, I realized, the question I should be asking myself is, am I becoming who God wants me to become? I wish so much to know exactly what I'm going to turn out to be like. Of course, I have my plans for myself, but what is the ultimate plan?--The real plan, God's plan.
His plan is just confusing sometimes. I guess because His reasoning isn't mine. Too many times I ask God, why are you doing this, when He has a perfectly good reason that I just can't wrap my mind around yet. The best things in life are the things I can't understand. The things I couldn't have possibly worked up in my mind to ask God for. The things that don't come until you've completed a maybe not so easy process. I never want to take the easy way out. Not in life, or lovee or anything.
I don't want to taste alcohol, or do drugs--I want my happiness to be the pure joy of the Lord. I want to be pure until I'm married and honor the Lord's temple that was bought for a price. I don't want to harm my testimony by speaking any sort of profanity, or negative words, or thoughts. ("Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." [Eph 4:29]).I never want to give in to accepting certain lifestyles that the Bible teaches against because the world and even other Christians have come to accept it, but I also don't want to condemn those who do. I never want to avoid being with or in future terms, marrying, the man I love because it is unconventional in some ways, as long as I know he is what God has planned.
As the coming of Christ draws nearer, satan has caused the world to make the right choice the harder choice, in many instances. Never take the easy way out! Do what the Holy Spirit leads you to believe in your heart that is good and right, despite the confusion that the world may cause if you don't stand firm in your beliefs.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." [Matt 7:13-14]

Slipping Away

So, I'm not sure if everyone has this problem at some point in their lives and it's just not brought up in conversation, or if it's just me--I think it might just depend on the person. Today, well actually over the past few days, I've had one of those revelations where you wake up and realize that suddenly you're at a place where you've always tried to be sure to avoid. I seem to always have an issue with this thing, but I never completely lose control of the situation...until now.
I've always been the type of person who I have to really work to keep up with a friendship. I guess everyone does, all friendships require some type of up keep because that's just how any relationship is. Time after time I've watched a friend fade away because they are just so focused on something else--namely a boyfriend, if we want to get into detail. It's awful because you just completely lose touch with that friend. I always told myself that I would not be the girl who gets so emotionally involved with a guy that he comes before my friends, but it just seems like i don't know who those real friends are that I'm supposed to keep at the top of my list no matter what. I mean, it's one thing to be weekday friends, and another to be weekend friends.
Yep, definitely just made that one up. There are the people that you're friends with at school, and then those that you spend time with on the weekend. I have weekday friends, im not at a need for those types, but the real type is the kind im looking for...seems like theres been an absence of them lately.
I guess some people are drawn to certain people, and i just happen to be one that we have to work to get to know each other and im learning to be okay with that...it's more important to have real friends than just numbers. People will be in and out of your life constantly, im learning, and each of them serves a purpose: either them to you, you to them, or both. I guess it's just finding those people that stick around for awhile to get close to. I can't help but think that God weeds people out of your life, at times...the times when it seems like you only have a few people around, and that's okay.
"A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." [Prov 18:24]

So, i guess that pretty much means, yeah, people are gonna slip away, but that's why He is always there no matter what, day or night.

"Do not trust in a neighbor ; Do not have confidence in a friend. From her who lies in your bosom Guard your lips. For son treats father contemptuously, Daughter rises up against her mother, Daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law ; A man's enemies are the men of his own household.
God Is the Source of Salvation and Light
But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD ; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me." [Micah 7:5-7]

I don't think that this means to push away and be completely distant from people because you can't trust them...but I do think it means not to put all your eggs in one basket, with a friend, girlfriend, boyfriend--human. Humans will fail you, and it isn't a surprise to God when they do and when you fail other people...but it's okay because you have HIM to lean on. Always. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do next...so, I think i'm gonna just leave this one and let God do His thing.

Marjorie Jay Rushton

***This post is in loving memory of a wonderful friend, leader, and woman of God.

"Farther along we'll know all about it, farther along we'll understand why, cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine, we'll understand it all by and by"

This morning I was awoken by mom coming in my room at about seven to tell me that a lady--only 30 years old from my church...with a husband and two daughters, ages 2 and 3...had passed away supposedly due to medications from having her tonsils removed. We went down to their house at about 10am to find her yard completely filled with cars belonging to family and friends. Everyone helped with the cleaning and things that needed to be taken care of. Margie was one of the most dedicated people I have ever known. She was a faithful teacher, preacher, drama leader, and friend to me. You couldn't out talk her--in speed or length...haha--but you also couldn't out give her. She was one of the absolute most generous people.

It's still not completely real to me that you're not here, but I know you couldn't be enjoying yourself more. Just last week we were all practicing dramas, cartwheels, toe touches, and eating pizza together. I feel like you can somehow see what all is going on down here and see all your loved ones missing you so and even though it's sad for you to see all of us grieving, I hope you can smile when you think about all those who care. I remember when you first started dating Mark, and then y'all got married and hannah grace, tavera, brooks and I were in your wedding : )
You are dearly missed by everyone, and we are all helping to take care of your precious girls who are like my own blood.

When things like this happen, it never fails to amaze me what a wake up call it is, that it could have been any of us that this happened to...so unexpected. How thankful I am to have all my family and friends with me right now! This is exactly why we should love and worship our creator--and love those around us with His love like there is no tomorrow, since we aren't promised a tomorrow or even the rest of today. Make a point to love, love, love every single day of your life.

Margie lovedddd it when grandma, mom, uncle danny, and i sang the song "homesick" by dottie rambo, i think is who it's by...haha it was ridiculous.

"See the bright light shine,
It's just about home time,
I can see my Father standing at the door,
This world has been a wilderness,
I'm headed for deliverance,
Lord, I've never been this homesick before."

" 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.' "...[John 13:7]

***I love you Marge, and couldn't be happier for you! Save a place for me : )

Water Walking

So, I feel like I'm always talking about change...change at school, change in friends, change in relationships, change at church, change at home...
Everything changes...except God, of course.
I was just discussing with a friend of mine how everything seems unstable, nothing is definite, nothing is solid--I can't bet that anything will be the same tomorrow as it was today.
I'd almost go so far as to say that we're walking on water. Everyone knows what a wave looks like--how could one possibly remain standing on something so very unpredictable and unstable. On the other hand, Jesus is a solid rock, an anchor for us.
This brings me to the ever popular story of Peter walking on water...or not walking or water, rather. I feel like Peter is always the one getting picked on for his lack of faith, I have to admit I can't guarantee I wouldn't do some of the same things and have some of the same flaws.
Well, anyway, the disciples head out on a boat on the Sea of Galilee ahead of Jesus. Later, once they are a ways out Jesus is like hey, I should catch up to my bffs and just figures that walking would be the quickest way, I guess. The disciples see him and get scared and think he's a ghost?...which at first hearing that I think they are a little ridic...but again, I can't say if i saw a figure walking across the sea I wouldn't think it was supernatural either--but i guess it was...hmmm...
Well, Jesus is like, "take courage it is I, don't be afraid."
Peter, of course, is a little skeptical of this whole situation and says Lord, if it's you tell me to come. So, Jesus does so. He stepped out, saw the wind, and panicked and started to sink...he said "Lord save me!" Jesus immediately reaches out and pulls him up and replies, "You of little faith...why did you doubt?"

This brings me back to me and my friend's conversation...now almost every day seems like one of those walking on water days...but, the instability could become just as if we were walking on land if we trust in Jesus who even if we did start to sink would be our life preserver and pull us right back up--how reassuring! I'm going to go into every day, every unpredictable, crazy, storm-filled, up and down day with the faith that Jesus Christ has my back, so what could go wrong in the end?
: )

"Fear is Faith in Reverse"

anx·i·e·ty
   
/æŋˈzaɪɪti/[ang-zahy-i-tee]
–noun, plural
1.
distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune


So, I've never met a human who is absolutely calm when faced with any situation. Nervousness is a natural feeling, that usually occurs at some point in life. Most people might feel nervous before speaking in front of a large groups of people, or get butterflies before a game, or have jitters before a test. Pretty much anything that it is important for one to do well on, or succeed at will cause nerves because it's a big deal. These nerves are even said to improve performance when the adrenaline gets pumping. This sort of feeling is not quite at the point of anxiety or fear yet. This kind of thing can actually be good for you, and is obviously natural as much as we may hate it.

Fear is a whole different ball game. Fear and anxiety are usually caused by bigger, more serious things. This is common sense stuff, but trust me, I'm going somewhere with this. Sometimes fear is only momentary and it is over quickly, or sometimes it may last a few days or months until what is feared has past. Either way, fear causes worry, which is not a Godly emotion. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear"...When it comes to the point where one is living in a state of fear it is straight from the devil. There are so many things that can cause an absolute spirit of fear in people. Like every other emotion, fear is controlled by the mind. The devil will use a Christian's mind to eat away at him if that is his weak point. But, as a God-fearing people we should not be consumed by this fear of whatever it is..."There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..." [1 John 4:18] God is love.

When your mind becomes consumed with this fear, and anxiety, almost to the point where it can cause panic. It is wrong. It makes your mind weak and your guard is down. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." [1 Peter 5:8]

I will be the first one to say, I have experienced this consuming fear/panic, and I've not been through anything worse. Mostly everyone who is relatively close to me knows that I have panic attacks (I hate calling it that because it sounds super weird). It's not something that I'm proud of at all because it's dreadful, but it's not something I hide either, not to make people feel bad for me, but because telling people makes me feel like I'm not alone with it. Most people's advice to me is "don't feel that way, there's nothing to be afraid of"...but there's absolutely no way they could know this deep feeling of panic unless they've experienced an "attack" because I know I couldn't have understood before this either. I'm not completely sure what triggered it, but I've been dealing with it since 7th grade--the shortness of breath, pounding heart, hot flashes, blurred vision, faintness, sick stomach, trembling, dizziness-- just a feeling of dread and that I have to "get out" for no apparent reason. I know I make this sound like it's a terminal illness or something, and I know I could be way worse off, but when I'm in the moment it seems like the worst thing ever. When it happens, I just have to get up from wherever I am and run to the nearest exit. My thoughts get so jumbled that all I can do is tell myself that it will be over soon and I will be able to relax.

The reason I went into all this is not only because I'm going somewhere with it, but also to vent since the ultimate obstacle of mine is coming up--school. I sometimes joke about it because it's pretty ridiculous, but it's always rough at the beginning of the school year...just the simple act of sitting in a classroom scares the heck out of me...why? because I'm afraid of getting sick and having a full blown panic attack again, this fear causes me to be sick, and it just becomes a whole cycle. There are certain things that I have to do for myself to ease this fear--ridiculous things, but we won't go into that. It has become such a huge part of my life whether i always let on about it, or not.

Now, that I've discussed that I feel like all professionalism about this whole post has been lost, but that's what I needed to get off my shoulders right before school...and if anyone has any advice on this, I will gladly take it because I haven't completely figured it out myself, not to say I haven't made progress. My usual excuse is "I can't help it...or-- I have no way to control it", but 2 Timothy 5:7 says otherwise.
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of self-control."

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."[Isaiah 41:10]
The Lord is with me, and the Holy Spirit is within me all day long. There's a certain comfort...a peace in knowing that when no one else gets it or understands why you worry or are afraid, he does and can bring you that peace that no one else is capable of.

"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you." [Is 26:3]

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." [John 14:27]

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." [Phil 4:6-7]

***Based on the verse above God isn't a fan of worry, and it can become a sin at some point. The spirit of fear is cast out at the presence of Faith...Faith that the Lord is with you always, Faith that you will be okay, Faith that He is the peace speaker, Faith that He gives self-control, and most of all, Faith that He loves you. With an abundance of faith, fear and worry have no room to exist, and the devil has no hold on you.

I'm drowning in Bible verses on this topic, it's crazy. Please keep me in your prayers as this new school year is practically here, and y'all will be in mine for sure. Thanks for listening. : )

"...I know the Peacespeaker, I know Him by my name
I know the Peacespeaker, He controls the winds and
waves
When He says "peace, be still", they have in obey
I´m glad I know the Peacespeaker, yes I know Him by
name..."

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" [Matt 19:14]



It has definitely been a super busy summer! Kiddie camp for the South Aiken
Cheerleaders was today, where we teach kids some cheers and dances and that sort of thing. It was all right at the beginning of the day, but toward the end it started to go downhill--mass chaos. At one point there were about ten games of duck duck goose happening, and fifteen little sally walkers running around the circle.

It impacted me a lot more than i imagined that it would. Even though at times it got crazy, and pretty frequently throughout the day I wanted to pull my hair out, I loved it. I love kids.
I started to think back on the day when I got home. The first thing that came to my mind were the many kids that though they didn't even know me, and they would just come up and put their arms around me and love on me. What unconditional love they showed, to me--a stranger. I don't know where these kids came from, what kind of homes, what kind of family, or what kind of lifestyle. It made me want to love them even more because of the fact that I didn't know that sort of information. I don't know if the little girl's mom ever hugs her or shows any interest in her. I don't know if she has a father who encourages her and shows that he is proud of her, or if he is even present at all. It might have been up to me today to show the girls just a portion of the love that they are missing daily.

See, I grew up in a home where I was surrounded by love and encouragement. I have always been in church, and the first nine years of my life i was taught the Bible in private school everyday by loving teachers. God-fearing people including my whole immediate family and a good bit outside of that were teaching me right from wrong, the love of Jesus, and how to conduct my life in a way that is pleasing to the Lord as i got older. I've taken that for granted pretty much up until recent years because even pretty much all my friends had just as much as I did. So, it seemed to be the norm.

I can't help but wonder why, having realized at this point that not all kids grow up even a fraction of as good as i had it, God would put ME in such a wonderful setting with such a wonderful family and pretty much perfect lifestyle. Why me?!
Every child deserves to be exposed to their creator, to have someone to lead them into His light, and be shown His love, and be given the opportunity to worship Him, because that's all they are searching for--what they were made for.
They are so impressionable. Whatever they see, they do. I know some of them have already been exposed to things that I will never see and would never ever want to. I got saved at a crazy young age when you would think, there's no way that kid could understand what I'm even talking about. But I did!...and they do. It has been proven that babies can in fact, start learning and developing based on their surroundings and exposure to certain things even from the womb, whether it be physical or mental.
Whether their heads and hearts are being filled with Jesus or worldly pleasures and lifestyles is up to the people who are supposed to be their guidance, present or not.

But it dawned on me, the reason that I was given such love and the opportunity to find Jesus is so that i can pass that down to other little ones that don't have the same thing I did. I can help to lead them in the way that they should go so that when they are older they will help add more to the Kingdom of God and feel His love pour out on them every day. I'm not sure what my calling is in that area yet, but i feel sure it is helping children in some way. So, i apologize if I droned a bit, but it's definitely a passion of mine. : )

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost." [Matt 18:12-14]

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." [Prov 22:6]


"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." [Deut 6:6-7]

Burning the 2am oil in the bathroom floor with a not so cute moth...

I can't sleep...obviously--it's 2:45(when i wrote this, not typed it. ha), and all I can think about is weird stuff when I'd rather my stomach stop hurting and I could think about the back of my swollen eyelids. Just me, God, and the moth.
I think it's weird how people try to make love the most complicated thing ever when it's actually one of the more simple things, i think. I think it's weird how people thing love can fade, or chip, or reduce in some way over time or because of something the other did. I think it's weird how people try to make different categories of love. Like "unconditional" love...if it's real love then shouldn't it automatically be unconditional without it having to be said? Without unconditional already in the definition doesn't that just make it "like" or infatuation? I don't like when people try to make 100 different categories for it. It's all the same. Of course you love your mom differently than you'll love your husband, but it's still the same. If you really LOVE someone--it never ever fails. What if God was like, "Hey, Lauren got really annoyed with me tonight and started questioning me, who is she to question me?! I think I'll love her a little less tomorrow!"...if that were the case, I'd be in a bad way.
All true love is the same. The only reason a human can even begin to define what love is, is because God first loved us. All love can only branch off of His love for us. God is love. [1 John 4:8] So, I guess that means the only way we can love someone perfectly and truly is if He is right in the middle of it. What if every fight my parents had over 22 years of marriage made them love each other less...I think they'd be divorced. I think love is weird, but there's no way one can live a Christian life without it.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. [1 Corinthians 13:13]
Someone very wise in my eyes told me that "love is kinda like a tattoo on your heart and it never completely goes away."--I thought this was a beautiful way of putting it, but they were trying to tell me that that tattoo can fade and be chipped away at over time...maybe if it's a henna tattoo, but it's not supposed to be. Of course getting hurt can become a hindrance to that love, but if it were really love to begin with it could somehow persevere through that, because again love never fails.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails... [1 Corinthians 13:7-8a
Not trying to prove my very wise friend wrong, but just want them to know that i will love them forever : )
I pray that every time I have a disagreement with a loved one that I will only want to love them more until I'm ready to explode! : )

The ugly moth died. I'm glad I'm in a better way than it is...guess it's just the two of us again.

***Ps. I hope this blog did someone some good because Lindsey sent me this verse this morning and I just knew I had to go through with posting this.
Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other [Romans 12:10] I've had someone give me the title and idea to do this post, I've had someone give me a reason and the idea of content to do it with, and then Lindsey's verse this morning confirmed that I should post it. So, God has a way of reaching me when He needs to, as usual. : )

Agenda

So, I guess i wrote this on Monday when Lindsey and I were in our lonnnggg math class...and just now got around to typing it...But, anywayyy...

Sometimes I feel like God has a checklist with my name on it--like all the things he has planned for me are listed and checked off as they are completed. But one of the biggest things that I struggle with is moving on when God checks off something.
When he says Lauren, good job, you've done what you need to do here and you've learned what you need to learn....but i just can't let it go yet. I feel like this is what prevents me from moving on to greater things.

Someone like Rachel Joy Scott (above picture--if you were wondering who the random girl was), who was shot in the Columbine shooting because she believed in God, who I've always made a role model of since I was little. I think she was an awesome person and I've felt kind of weirdly close to and inspired by her from reading her published journals and books and stuff... I feel like the reason she and other young people and babies who seem to have not had the chance to live yet have actually done just the opposite. God had a plan for her and when she completed it He brought her back to Him.
I believe that focusing so much on one piece of the puzzle keeps me from seeing the big picture. God's plan. Little, petty, earthly things could keep me from growing in the Lord. I dont know why I let that happen, or get so hung up on the smallest(sometimes seemingly large things).
I was in the car yesterday (not yesterday from this date, but from the date I wrote it haha) and I had an epiphany (sometimes you can hear something over and over, but it won't mean anything until a brick falls and hits you and you realize it for yourself). I remembered that God is completely in control of everything. Everything that is happening is contributing to paving the way to help me accomplish the tasks on my life's list, or a piece of the puzzle to the big picture.
All I am is a vessel--I need to get my hands out of things, go with the flow, and let Him use me.
It reminds me of when my sisters were little and asked mom if they could help her do whatever it was she was doing at the time. Sometimes, if it was a big job and it needed to go ahead and get done because we had to go somewhere or something, she would say no, just let me handle it because I already know how to do it and can get it done faster. Sometimes, she would let them help her because it was something that they needed to know how to do or learn from. Sometimes we just just need to stop and let daddy handle it and do what needs to be done in our lives and stop messing around because we don't have much time left!
I don't want to keep something from getting checked off--a life from being saved, a lesson from being learned, a step deeper into the Lord because I have been a stumbling block to myself.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. 16:9" [Proverbs 16:9]

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." [Colossians 3:2]

The Best/Worst Year

So, this school year has been super duper crazy...and I'm almost sad to see it end!
So many great things have happened, but so many other not so good things have happened too. I'm still kind of having trouble absorbing all of it.
Yesterday was super exciting...the baseball boys won their game...so proud of them! and varsity cheerleading was made by me, brenna, lindsey, and shelby! I am beyond excited about that. Can't wait to cheer with my girls!
So, summer is coming, and it's a little bittersweet because while I know last summer can't be topped, this summer will be great as well...
Still thanking God for every good and bad event that has happened this year because it wouldn't be complete without all of it!
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!" [Job 1:21]

It's all about HIM

I have the problem of comparing myself to other people...just going to start off being up front and honest. I do. Like most people, I have the things that I think are good about myself...but then there are just those times when i think about how I can't manage to keep up with so and so. Which leads me to the verse--

"He must become greater; I must become less." [John 3:30]

I always seem to come back to this verse when I start to make comparisons between myself and someone else who I wish certain things about me were like them.
It's not about me anyway.
I'm just a vessel of the Holy Spirit. That's all. Why should I try to worry about doing certain things to glorify myself? Not that I'm putting down bettering yourself at all because that's a great thing to do, but when it's done for attention, then it's wrong.
Lauren Candice Rudd. Her life should not be about her. It should be about Jesus Christ who she lives for. She shouldn't care what others think because all that is whatever.
Therefore, worries of being as good as/better than so and so should not even be present, if you get what im saying.

It all seems to tie back into one thing. Keeping God first.
There's no way that the Lord will become greater than you in your life, and the focus will be off of yourself if your eyes are on other things besides HIM. When He comes first the bad parts of you as a human will begin to fade...and He will be able to come through.

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me." [Exodus 20:3]

We've all heard the: even if you don't consider what you're doing a "god" at all...if it comes before God, it is a god before Him, lesson.
But it's true. Christianity isn't a part time show that you do on the side on Sunday and then go back to school on Monday and put whatever you feel like before Him. I see that too terribly often, and it's not okay.
Your friends will let you down, your boyfriend will let you down...they're only human, they can't fill the void. Your possessions, or your addictions, they for sure can't fill the void, and it will all turn out to be a big let down unless the foundation of your life is Jesus Christ--the solid rock.
All the encouraging Bible verses like: "I can do all things through Christ" and "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"...all those require faith.
If you are a part time Christian, your faith can't be that strong. Faith comes with devotion and trust. Peter, a disciple of Jesus even doubted Him while physically seeing Jesus and the miracles He performed. How can we, those who can't see him, expect to have faith that we can do all things through Him if we don't fully give our hearts up?
Like, if you talked to this random guy once a week for 5 minutes, you're missing a whole part of him. You don't know him, and you sure wouldn't trust tell him a huge secret and expect him to keep it, or trust him with your life.
Same with Jesus. You have to know Him, really know Him to understand how real He is. To comprehend that He can be your best friend even if you can't see Him. To trust that all those Bible verses that you can achieve the impossible through Him.
By YOURSELF, 9 times out of 10 you won't reach the goals and dreams that you set and reach for. But GOD makes the improbable, possible.

So, don't pull a Peter on God. Trust that He can help you walk on water if you put Him first, and take the focus off of your own self.

sorry all that was a little random haha...love much : )

The ones you hurt the most...

So, in eighth grade I had to remember and recite some poem. The one i chose was along the lines of "The Ones You Love the Most" or "The Ones You Hurt the Most". I honestly can't remember which the title was...and i can't find it to save my life. But, the gist was that the people who you love the most are the people who you end up causing the most pain sometimes. A lot of times with me personally, i find this to be true. I just get so comfortable with the people who i know the best, that i start to just kind of say whatever it is that I'm thinking at the time, just because i feel like it's expected of them to forgive me and just to get over it. It's pretty much a terrible habit to get into. I also have one of the shortest fuses with the people that I care about the most. People who i don't know can be terrible to me and I can just kind of let it roll off, but my best friends can do something extremely minor and i just blow a gasket. It's not a good thing at all.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." [Proverbs 15:1]


pa·tience
   /ˈpeɪʃəns/ [pey-shuhns]
–noun
1.
the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.
an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

I usually think the definition of patience as being the latter of the two definitions. But, the first definition seems to be the hardest one to follow for me.
"Patience is love for the long haul." It means slow to anger, or far from anger.

"It means that whatever you do to me you cannot make me hate you, nor can you make me seek revenge or make me hold bitterness or malice toward you. No matter what you do to me I will always seek your highest and best good.
And I will do this with joyfulness, peace and gentleness, because just like the colors of the rainbow, all connect with each other. So the fruit of the Spirit will remain connected with each aspect of the fruit."

People are taught to recognize other Christians by the fruit [of the spirit] that they produce.
"Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers." [Luke 6:44]
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faith, Gentleness, and Self-Control
--All of these fruits will not be able to be produced by someone who is not a Christian. It is only through Jesus in us that we are able to maintain a good attitude during tough times, and show love and the above virtues toward the most annoying people. When others on the outside look at me, I don't want them to think how short of a temper I have and how hard I am to deal with...I want to show Jesus to those who feel like they can't reach Him. I don't want to be a thorn bush or a brier...I want to be like a tree planted by the rivers of living water!

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." [Psalm 1:3]

So to tie it all together:
"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, SLOW TO ANGER, abounding in love and faithfulness." [Psalm 86:15]

I do not want to cause any disunity between myself and my family in Christ--especially not the ones who I absolutely adore the most : )

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus." [Romans 15:5]
--of course i definitely don't have the power to have all the fruit of the spirit without Jesus, but I plan to pray daily that they grow abundantly in my everyday life and that people will be able to see it in me!

I call you Jesus, You're every answer...

I will be the who worships, all of my attention
I wanna be the one Your looking for
Are you looking for someone to love You
Know my heart is with You
I wanna be the one Your looking for


Cause when were finally face to face
All I want to hear You say
Is Ive been the one Your looking for


Cause I call You Jesus, Your every answer
Theres no confusion about Who You are to me
And ill lift my hands to tell what my heart says
A love that goes deeper, not a word can explain

link to "I Call You Jesus--Frontline Worship: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhBQYGrTQ4Y

New favorite song. I walk around all day singing it. Such a worshipful song...

Anyway, This is gonna pretty much be the most random blog ever.
I feel like so many people around me are growing in Christ, including myself, it's unbelievable. It's awesome to see new Christians growing and more experienced Christians getting closer to God. I'd have to say this has been the worst, best, craziest year (or school year, rather) of my entire life, not that my life has been super long or anything, but you know what I mean.
I feel like I've lost a lot of people over this year (just know when i say year i mean school year specifically). I feel like I've gained a lot of people too...if certain things hadn't happened, i wouldn't have met certain people, and i wouldn't have done certain things.
Everything was planned out to reach a certain purpose...the bad was made into good.
Of course the affects of the bad still linger, i still think about it, and it still hurts...but, everything good that came out of it made it worth it.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." [Romans 8:28]



[pictures from our most recent adventure!]

My most recent revelation has been about my singing. I love to sing, I always have. End of story. Thing is, I don't like to sing for things that aren't for the Lord on any stage. When it's for Jesus, I know if I mess up, it doesn't matter because I'm not singing for the people watching anyway. I can just focus on worshiping and helping others to worship along with you.
That's one of the best feelings ever is when you know you've impacted someone during the music part of worship, to look out and see the hands raised, or the tears, or the joy on someone's face. To walk off the stage and know that I just helped lead that...
Brooks (our pianist on Sundays and the youth band leader--and my bestfriend!)has been my mentor in this area, and other areas as well whether he realizes it or not. He is constantly reminding us to worship when we sing, and to be bold, and it's all for the Lord...not for us, or anyone else. This has pushed me out of my comfort zone over the last year, and I'm glad. His worship is as real as I've ever seen. When he and i and Hannah Grace sing together I can't help but worship because the atmosphere is just so genuine. That's what I believe it is to lead worship--to be so wrapped up in the Lord yourself, that others can't help but want to be the same way and take their own step of boldness and follow your lead.
Im realizing now more than ever, especially since our church and our youth are going out to other places to do the music, that singing isn't a just a talent...it's a calling.
Also, mine and Lindsey's most recent endeavor...cheerleading.
I'm not a cheerleader, end of story.
But, this is becoming more than just a "cheering" thing.
Idk what it is...but, it's different. It's a step out of my comfort zone...
I'm going to have to trust God with this whether I make it or not, and just know I did my best. Some people might say I'm being ridiculously too serious about this whole thing, but like I said, it's more than just about "cheerleading" for me at this point.
But, I think one of the best things about trying to achieve this so far is the new people that I'm getting closer to.
One of them, namely, is Brenna! Sweetest girl i've ever met...she has been willing to bend over backwards (sometimes literally!) to help us. If I make the team, I owe everything to her!
I truly feel like God has put her in mine (and Lindsey's) life for a reason she is honestly one of the most genuine people...i dont know, we have all just kind of clicked, and I think if we all(we all meaning lindsey, shelby, and I since brenna def will!) end up making it (or even if we don't) there will be a great friendship ahead! : )

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." [Philippians 4:13]

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." [Philippians 4:6]

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." [Psalm 37:4]

I don't want to be on any spiritual highs or lows...I want to be in love with Him the same every day, all day because He never changes. I want to keep the passion for Him and praise Him even when He seems to be silent...I want those around me to see something different in me. I want to be surrounded by those who love Him as much as I do for support.
I want to take Him seriously, so that He will take me seriously too...and i want to be a serious threat to the devil.
lovvvee muchhh : )

Signs and Wonders

I think that a lot of people don't understand Christians because of the way that they live for a God whom you can't see, or hear, or seemingly have any communication with. The idea just seems unrealistic to a skeptic like some...but, what they don't realize is that our God is more real than anything they have experienced, with the power to communicate, change minds, hearts, and lives.
This post was inspired by reading Lindsey's most recent one. I had been wanting to write it, but wasn't sure when to kind of randomly throw it in, but I am now.
I am definitely guilty of the frequent prayer to have God do something, or show me something, or just straight up audibly say something...which i wouldn't put past Him either...anyway, I feel like that isn't really the right way to handle things. I feel like i should trust Him enough to know that when something is supposed to happen it will, or if I'm supposed to do something I will just know. But, sometimes you just doubt, even some of the greatest people in the Bible did the same. I always think of Gideon when I start to ask for things like signs. I only could remember the gist of the story, so I looked it up [Judges 6]...and sometimes I think we are more like Gideon than we even realize.
Israel was at war with the Midianites. An angel of the Lord came to Gideon and told him stuff like, "the Lord is with you mighty warrior," "I will be with you, and you will strike down the Midianites all together"...now, I'm just gonna go ahead and say if an angel came to me and was telling me all this stuff, I'm pretty sure I'd be convinced at that point, but Gideon just wanted to make sure...he said "If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. Please to not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you." The Lord said, "I will wait until you return."
Long story short, the angel proved himself to be that of the Lord. and ya.
But, Gideon just wanted to be sure that what God was telling him to do was exactly right.
"If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised--look, I will place a wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know you will save Israel by my hand as you said."
Well, God didn't stutter, He knew what He said and meant it. The next day the wool had enough dew on it to wring it out and have a bowl of it. Then he said, "God, don't be angry with me, let me make one more request..." He asked God to do just the opposite as the day before, make the ground wet and the wool stays dry, and it was done. I would be kinda irritated with Gideon if I were, God...but, im not...and this is very good. But, id also have to be irritated with myself because I make similar requests sometimes. Not having to do with fleece or anything because that's a little strange, but with just signs in general.
Quick story and I'm done:
In about 7th grade I was in some drama with some people and just a lot was going on and it was a tough time for me. It was a pretty dumb thing. We had a singing group that would sing in chapel every Wed morning, and I had one of the mics during that time and those of us that had the mics were referred to as "the front line." Well, the lady in charge pulled me aside and said, until you get everything straightened out with all the drama and stuff I'm pulling you off of the front line. Lauren, you have a great voice, and I need you back on the front line. I really need you there. Well, that coming Sunday, there was a prophesying deal, not sure exactly how to phrase it. But they said, "...God needs you back on the front line of battle." [quick explanation: prophesy is just God speaking through someone to the church directly. I'm usually not too much in the middle of that stuff at church, I'm just pretty chill in that area, because that's just kind of how I was brought up, but that's what God chose to use to get to me.] Whether you believe in prophesying or not, every denomination, church, and person has their own beliefs on that controversial topic, and the very last thing I want to do is offend, but this happened, straight up, and it was directly to me in those exact words. God doesn't care where you are, He will get in contact with you and wake you up however he needs to at the time.
More recently, I was at Grandma's, and this was in the middle of a bad time, and I was looking through some book she had. I Opened up to a chapter and read, "Hang in there soldier." The last few words in that chapter. Like straight up. I felt like crying the whole thing was just so real. God was referring back to the front line/soldier analogy from a few years ago til now, knowing that it made a huge impact on me, and I would remember exactly what He was talking about. Some may be skeptical of the whole experience, but it happened...sometimes i dont like to tell that story, and ive only told it to a few people, but it's just part of a testimony and happened to fit right into this. It was real. Just like our God is real. Don't ever doubt his ability to get you on the line, or to show you exactly the kind of sign you're asking for because He will prove you wrong. You are his child, and what kind of parent would completely ignore their child in his/her time of great need? How much more does our heavenly Father love us than our earthly father? He is there always!
lovvvee much : )

half and half?

So, tonight was great...the church went to this other church in Augusta to do the music for a youth thing. So, me, brooks, hannah, hannah grace, trey, jake, alan, and gerry definitely killed it. It was awesome. The church was in a pretty bad area, so a lot of witnessing was done. They had no AC and it was like a gym type of setting. :/ that was kind of a nightmare...but i guess it wasn't so bad. They kept the doors to the place open so you could hear the music echoing down the street. pretty awesome. I'm glad we got to be a witness to a lot of people tonight and thankful for the lives that were saved, and that my voice didn't give out! : )
But, on the other hand, we had to meet at the church at 5. At Lindseys, me, brenna, shelby, camilla, jessica, allison, and lindsey got together to practice cheerleading. It was actually pretty frustating for me, especially since I only got to stay for like 45 mins before I had to run down to my church to meet everybody. It's the MOST aggravating thing ever when everybody gets the hang of something and you're left baffled. pretty annoying stuff. and now I'm extremely far behind because they got to stay for hours after I left to practice. Now what?
I have been praying for this cheering thing to work out for me. It's just a goal of mine, kinda like the pageant, or anything else...well things aren't looking too hot right now. But, I still have a good bit of time left for practicing. I'm praying that next time, God will help me to catch on a little faster since I sacrificed a lot of practice time...but, witnessing comes before all that other stuff.
So, just praying for that, and my other frustrations to fall into place! : )

so, i wrote this about 3 months ago and it was actually on my facebook...but i felt like it was worth posting again even though i've come such a long way, it still fully applies...especially since i know people who are currently going through the same exact thing that i just got out of. i tried to think of something i could say to them to help, but then i remembered when it was me, nothing anyone said really helped very much. so, i guess the best thing is just to tell what i learned when i was in that position... hang in there : )



wow. what a lesson God is teaching me right now...
to let him take what he needs to, to make me a better person...
The theme song of my life right now seems to be "Bless the Lord"--Laura Story
about how God gives and takes away for our benefit. bc who am i to say what things i need in my life?
Sometimes we may go through something that seems like it's the worst thing that could happen at the time, just to find out how strong we are and that we can actually make it through...contrary to what we may think and say at the time
i truly believe God will never give us more than we can bear. Even when it feels like during the day you're walking around with such a weight on your shoulders, or it may even be so heavy that you dont feel like you can make it out of bed.
but, no matter how many meltdowns we have...God is still helping us through it even when it feels like nothing is changing. He bottles our tears.
...maybe we're having to learn to set our priorities straight. Nothing should be before God. Sometimes we have to be put at our lowest to come back to God on our knees...once we get back to that place, things may get worse before they get better. but, they will get better.
No one should have your whole heart except Jesus because he will never let you down...he will never make you go to that place that hurts the most...guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.
but, the best part about all these lessons is that im not writing this about how its super fun or anything to have to learn them because its not...im not on any sort of high from it. but, im also being taught to praise him in every circumstance you have to go through. even though its hard, and ill be the first to say i have had one of the worst attitudes about it, at times...and probably still will sometimes...but, im learning. plus, having a terrible attitude about it only makes you more miserable.
it helps me to think of one day at a time. today has enough troubles of its own to start to worry about tomorrow!
thank you God, for teaching me all of this...helping me to gain a little more wisdom and understanding, and making me stronger...even though i have a lonnngg way to go. help me to help others with what ive learned so far...thank you for keeping everything under control even when i feel like its a downward spiral!
God told me to hang in there. so, i intend on doing just that. He is going to help you do the same, always. : )

Charles Stanley...haha

So, on the way home awhile ago dad turned the radio on some channel that Charles Stanley was preaching...and i was like okkk...
But, when we got home I actually went to my room and turned it on too...it was a good sermon that a lot of people, including myself needed to hear--about peace.
You hear all the time to trust in God and that will give you peace--"well ive tried that"--when you truly understand the deep meaning of a personal relationship with Jesus, that is when you understand how trusting him gives you peace. When you pray for something, you have to have faith that, and claim that it WILL be done. Otherwise, it's not any good.
To me, peace and faith are directly tied together. If you don't claim it and believe that it is yours satan will still have you hung up on the depression, the oppression, the fear, the anxiety. But when you believe that you have been given a spirit of POWER. It is yours.
That may not seem logical, how just believing that peace is yours will work, or give you power to rise above your situtaion but Paul said God's peace surpasses ALL understanding. It's not going to make sense to us how God is able to do what He does for us. But, that's okay. That's why He's God, and we are not.
In Greek, peace means "tied together; one" God the Father, the son, and the Holy Spirit are tied together to make one. When we are tied together with Him, the result is peace. In order to have peace, you must have Jesus. : )

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of self-control." [Timothy 1:7]

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." [Philippians 1:7]

"I know the Peacespeaker, I know Him by my name
I know the Peacespeaker, He controls the winds and
waves
When He says "peace, be still", they have in obey
I'm glad I know the Peacespeaker, yes I know Him by
name"

Best Friends.

So, there are always those several people in your life that know most everything about you. They know exactly how to push your buttons, but then they know exactly how to fix it afterwards. There are so many different friends I've made from all over. Some just kind of fade out...even though I never really forget them completely or the impact they had on my life.
But, then there are those who have been steady friends for a good part of my life, who I can't help but remember. I appreciate these people to no end. I truly know that I will love these several people for like ever because even though we may have been rude toward each other in the past, or what we've been through together, it always comes down to the fact that we love each other and will still be friends no matter what. I know i say it pretty frequently, but i should still say it more often...not that I don't love everybody else in my life too... I just want to thank this handful of people, from my family to my very closest friends, for everything they've added to me as a person. Unlike some of the people who kind of just whisk in and out, the solid friends leave such an impact on your life. Even though I realize those who just stop for a little while serve a purpose too.

To: My 2 bestest friends--Most people have those types of friends in their lives--that God puts there as a support system. I have probably two main people who know me inside and out. These two are my support. God definitely knew that they would be the ones for me-- who would stay up with me as late as i needed to talk about something that is bothering me. Who we've been through so so much ive decided that absolutely nothing can change our relationship. When I hurt y'all, it hurts me even more...yall mean the world to me...not trying to be super sentimental, but just trying to show the depth that i love these people to. I'm sure they know who they are and I just want y'all to know how much I lovvvee you both, and am praying for you always. I'm always proud of yall and you are always in my thoughts. no matter what may come to separate us, i just won't have it because im pretty sure yall are stuck with me forever, like it or not : )

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up! [Ecc 4: 9&10]


My connection with people has become so very important to me. It just amazes me how God has it all planned out-- who we will come in contact with, and when, based on what we should learn from each other at the time. So awesome!...and i value those people so much, and God meant for me to value and protect my relationship with whoever it may be because every one of them is special in whatever way.
And maybe I over analyze these things a lot of times...but, it's just some people just can't ever be replaced. So I said all this to say how much I love in a special way, those who have made a difference to me, or those who I have been able to make a difference to, and even how I love those I haven't had the opportunity to get as close to just yet. I am thankful to no end, and would bend over backward to help any number of y'all out. Even when it seems like we aren't on speaking terms or something becomes a barrier in our relationship you aren't any less important to me. And God will definitely bless all of y'all...praying for you always...so glad you are a part of me!
love my *bffs* to death : )

"Forsake not an old friend, for the new is not comparable unto him. A new friend is as new wine: when it is old thou shalt drink it with pleasure."

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." [Proverbs 17:17]

Joy.

So, I'm gonna go ahead and admit it. Being joyful in every circumstance is one of my number one challenges. Like, i know that sounds bad because as a Christian I feel like I'm supposed to be that way. Well, it doesn't always work out like that. Sometimes, if one little thing doesn't happen it affects my whole mood. This, is not joy.

hap⋅py
–adjective, -pi⋅er, -pi⋅est.
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing

joy
–noun
4. a state of happiness or felicity.

Being happy is over a particular thng. Joy is a state. It's something that you either are or you aren't. Not depending on the day, not depending on what happened yesterday, not depending on what so and so said this morning. All the time. Joy comes at the point when you have accepted the fact that God is in control. It's like a weight lifted...I have to constantly remind myself of this...because I am a worrier.
Of course this joy can't come from us. There's no way. We are human. Humans have fluctuating emotions, some more than others, but I dont ever want to get to the point to where my bad mood hurts my witness. When unsaved people see Christians in a terrible mood a lot of the time, I'm sure it's not very encouraging to them to want to find out what we have.
I always find myself praying that people will see something on me, it will be so real to people to where I can just walk into a room and the Holy Spirit over powers me to the point that they feel convicted themselves.
After all, Christians should be the most joyful people out there. We have everlasting life, we have an on time God, we have a best friend that never leaves. I want people to want what I've got. Not avoid what I've got because I'm just a no fun, bad mood person. you know?
Sometimes I just get in those moods where I'm like, this happened, I'm going to be in a bad mood and pout, and that's final. That's probably one of the worst things I could do to myself. We should have his praise continually on our lips and in our hearts and that will eliminate the bitterness that sometimes creeps in.

"...For the joy of the Lord is your strength..." [Nehemiah 8:10]

"Consider it joy whenever you face trials of many kinds"
[James 1:2]

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In
this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the
world."
[John 16:33]

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my
Savior." [Habakkuk 3:18]

So, obviously joy is an important fruit of the spirit....since there are 73478293 bible verses about it : )

"I feel the joy of the Lord falling fresh on me, I feel the joy of the Lord delivering me, I feel the joy of the Holy Ghost it's all over me"

Get rid of the to do list...

So, there's this little Hispanic family that has been coming to our church. I'm not sure for how long, but they started fairly recently. Sometimes on off days at church people just look dead out in the congregation...and having to sing in front of these people and be worshipful is tough sometimes.
But, I looked up last Sunday and saw the little guy back there raising his hands and just in such mindset of worship. I'm sure they don't speak too terribly much english...but it didn't seem to matter to him. It made me smile, and made me want to be even more worshipful.
My mom came in and told me earlier that papa went to this family's house earlier for something. They have nothing. They cook off of a wood stove, no furniture, no heat, no air. tiny house. It broke my heart. Papa is giving the guy work at the church and paying him whatever and Mom said she was getting down the little girls' sizes so that she could give them some of my sisters' clothes out of their many boxes in the attic of seasonal clothes that don't fit or whatever and such...but, idk what to even do about that. Like, I feel kind of helpless because there's nothing really that I have that they would want. But, i need to give them something. All i know to do is pray for the whole family and love them.
Sometimes I think I get so caught up in my own personal issues that I don't remember the people with bigger problems. I get so caught up in asking God what to do, and where to go, and what I need to be. I get caught up in church "stuff". I get locked up in my own little "Jesus bubble"...not that that's a bad thing....but, i forget to help others find Him. That's the main goal He wants for us. I think a lot of times that also happens in churches. People want to help grow their youth group and such in the Lord, but there comes a point where most of your problems can be solved by just helping others. I guess that mission work and trips and stuff are made to prevent that sort of thing. but it still happens.
"Don't be so heavenly minded that you become no earthly good."
This makes sense if you look at it the right way. Jesus was the most heavenly minded person to walk the earth, but He still made the most impact on the Earth.
Thing is, he was concentrating on not just His ticket to heaven, but others. The goal is to get to heaven, but to bring others with us, to be there for others. Jesus isn't here in the flesh to minister to those around us. We have to be Jesus to them in their physical and spiritual needs.
Erase YOUR to do list. and let God re-write it for you...

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." [Matthew 25:35-36]

"And I'll follow you into the homes of the broken, follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy, God, follow you into the world..."

Busy Weekend

Soo, this has been an exciting, full of events, busy weekend.
Starting off with Wednesday, I got my restricted which is possibly one of the most exciting things ever...haha.
Then, Saturday, I went to Steeplechase with the Paschals, the Holts, and Collin. Which led to the whole dating Collin thing...praying that all works out. Also it was Lindsey's 16th birthday. She is growing up : ( haha-- Then that night I went to the Augusta mall, waffle house, and krispy kreme with my bffs, Hannah, Jake, Tavera, Lindsey F., and Dylan. So, that was indeed super fun. (everyone pray for Hannah and the people who are on the roads when she is driving, I'm pretty sure I saw my life flash before my eyes like 6 times)... Then today was church.
We had church tonight, but i decided I was going to be a church skipper so I could finish up my homework, which I probably should have done yesterday. But sometimes you just have to put a spin on the priority list! My mom isn't a fan of that, but it's ok. Hope everyone has had as good of a weekend as I have! Can't wait for spring break and the furlough day on Friday! : )

Who am I?

So, i been thinking a lot lately about this Bible "story"...which isn't really a story, but kinda.
My mom and I watch like this random Bible show on Christmas Eve...and it covers a lot of stuff, but the main focus is on the crucifixion--which I think is a little non-traditional seeing as it's Christmas Eve, but hey, whatever. ha...

Anyway, one part that has stayed imprinted in my memory is in John 8.
Jesus was on the Mount of Olives doing His thing, and then at dawn he went to the temple and was going to teach the people. The Pharisees brought forward a woman who had been caught in adultery...they said, "In the law, Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. What do you say?" Jesus, took a minute before He answered this...which I probably should do more often myself...but, He said, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." [John 8:7]
And, so of course they just kind of migrated to another area after Jesus got them with that one...
And he just simply told her to go and sin no more.

So, that leads me to the question, who am I to judge anybody? That is a major major turn off to people you are trying to steer in the right direction. Judgement often turns into gossip and Lord knows that's nothing but trouble.
So, many times in my mind, and sometimes even out loud I harp on the fact that so and so is doing this and they should not be. so and so said this...
While, Jesus just told them go and sin no more. He is quick to forgive and casts our sin to the depths of the sea... Why can't I be more like that?
God sees sin as equal. "For the wages of sin is death..."

Who am I to put myself up on a pedestal because I am Christian...of all things Christians are supposed to be humble...
Not to ignore the fact that witnessing should take place, and helping to guide the lost in the right direction. But, there is a right way to do so...condemnation isn't it.
"But the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord!"
"Love the sinner, hate the sin"
: )

Hot or Cold

So, one of my favorite things that people say is something along the lines of, "Lauren, why are you so good?"...or "Lauren doesn't do bad things."
The reason why this is on my mind is because of a conversation in Chemistry this week. This girl was telling this other guy that even though he's good now, he will probably go crazy in college, and he was like, no i def. wont. He was like, how many high schoolers do you know that haven't done such and such, and i haven't done that yet. She was like well, Lauren hasn't...
She was like do you think you'll go crazy in college. I was like, I'm willing to bet my like right arm that I won't. haha. I've made it this far...
It amazes me how much people know about you even if they don't know you that well. People watch you, and the way you act, especially if you claim to be a Christian. One of the things that drives me up the wall is a supposed Christian who doesn't act like one...and it's not up to me to throw any stones because I, as well, have done un-Christlike things. But, there are just those certain people who make it obvious that they are into stuff that they should not be into as a Christian person, living to set an example.

"So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth." [Revelation 3:16]

God makes it clear that he is not a fan of the whole riding the fence thing either. Many people use the term "sold out" for Jesus.
Which I think is completely relevant. This halfway stuff isn't going to cut it anymore...It's either your whole heart, or none of it at all. If you aren't completely for God, that makes you against Him, even if it is not your intentions.
I, personally want to be able to say what all the bad things I haven't done, not what all I have...that's something to be proud of. I've found myself sometimes being ashamed of that. But, there is not reason to be at all.

"Do not envy wicked men, do not desire their company;" [Prov 24:1]

I enjoy hearing the testimonies of people who have done a lot of bad things in their lives, and were able to rise up out of that and be a sold out Christian. But, it's even more rare to hear stories of someone who has made it through the most part of their lives, as a teenager and young adult, and adult without getting mixed up in the world. I want that to be my testimony to others.
Continue to pray for those people like the kid in my Chem class who want to stand firm on what they believe...and for those who are lost and confused in the world's mess.
: )

Everybody Knows---that nobody really knows...

Relationships....they have got to be the craziest thing evvver!
So up and down all the time...and if yours isn't...im not sure what's going on.
I understand that teenagers shouldn't have this whole thing figured out just yet, but even many adults haven't got it down.
The thing that gives me hope of truly loving someone someday and them loving me back forever is looking at the example of both sets of grandparents who have been married like 60 and 50 years...and my parents, who have been married like 23 years...That's crazy to me! Like, God definitely would have had to make them for each other for them to have stayed together for that long. I truly believe that God created special people that are supposed to be together...

"But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." [Mark 10:6-9]

"Let man not separate"...many couples end up doing that. That's the one thing that scares me the most about marriage, or relationships for right now. I mean, break-ups are so tough, i can't imagine an actual divorce. So, many people have to deal with that for so many different reasons. Although, the Bible actually only excuses it for being cheated on.

"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital
unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries
the divorced woman commits adultery." [Matthew 5:32]

....and i can't even begin to comprehend how hurtful that would be. When I get married, I want to make sure that it is who God had planned for me all along. I'm sure He will let me know when the time comes. But, for now I'm just going to do my best with the Christian guys God has planned for me to date, and have a good time with it. I can't wait for someone to truly be able to say they love me...and unconditionally, like Christ has done for us, even though no one could ever live up to that standard. I pray in advance that God will keep my future husband in His will and keep him holy.
And for the people who you do love, a word of advice: watch what you say to them. Many times I say things to the people I care about the most that I dont think through, just because I am so comfortable with them and expect them to never get fed up with it. But, these things can't be taken back...but oh how I wish I could do just that.
Remember God's perfect example of love:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
[1 Corinthians 13:4-7]

"I hope one day you'll see, nobody has it easy, I still can't believe you found somebody new, but I wish you the best, I guess. Cause everybody knows that nobody really knows, how to make it work or how to ease the hurt...we've heard it all before cause everybody knows just how to make it right. I wish we gave it one more try, cause everybody knows that...nobody really knows"

Enjoy the Scenery

A wonderful snow day in AIKEN.
Who woulda thunk it?
Who would have imagined all the memories it would bring back either...
Sometimes life just starts to move so quickly. You let things pass you by. You do and say things you will regret. You miss some of the most important details that happen. Just the little things that made you smile.
New lesson: don't forget about those things. Dont forget to remember the details. The things that happened that warmed your heart the most. Pay attention to the people that surround you because there's no guarantee they will be there forever. Absorb every detail on a day you've been waiting for, or a day that you didn't know you would have been waiting for.
Yes, i do look back at things, one thing in particular, and think, wow...i would do things soo much differently now. I can't believe i let that happen...
Everything happens for a reason. God, I truly dont understand your ways--what you are doing in my life, but i trust that it is in the best possible hands it could ever be in. I truly am flying by the seat of my pants, and trying to roll with the punches...but, that isn't me. I like to know what's gonna go on and when. I like schedule.
I am unaware of the itinerary that God has planned for me. But, i sure enough can't wait to see!
Are humans meant to live in the past, present, or future?
Present--of course. But, how hard is that? I spend most of my time in the past, or planning for the future. I can't forget about the day that the Lord has made for me today because one day I will look back and miss being here.
I pray that if God wants me to re-live part of the past by putting something back into my life that it will happen.
But, also, I pray that if it is time for other things...I can let go of everything I miss dearly, and look toward the future.

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let is rejoice and be glad in it." [Psalm 118:24]

While MONTE is away!

Ohh guitar class!
These wonderful people brighten my day every 5th period : )
We have our dull days...and crazy days like today...
If only Monte Wiley Blackwell could have seen us.
From fake write ups, to cones as hats, to playing made up songs and dancing around the room.
It never seems to get old.
So, here's to my bffs in guitar class! Love yall : )

Confuseddd?

"Give me a revelation, show me what to do, cause I've been trying to find my way, and I haven't got a clue. Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move? Give me a revelation, I've got nothing without YOU."
Sometimes things just seem out of control...this isn't one of those times for me, really. Although, somthing happened the past two nights that has caused me a lot of confusion. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and I was happy with that decision, and then something else got thrown in the mix to make things more complicated...hmm. So, I basically have two things to choose from, one that I could emotionally make a decision on, or one that would be the smarter decision. Of course, the smart decision would be the logical choice, but what if thats not what God wants for me. I always end up coming back to the emotional option...and the emotional option seems to come back to me.
Oh boy! can't wait to see how God wants to handle this one...
whatever happens, it is in His hands! : )

Can't nobody do me like Jesus, can't nobody do me like the Lord, can't nobody do me like Jesus...He's my friend!

Give it ALL up

New lesson from God: Give everything to him. Let him have complete control of my life.
I have recently been pulling in all different directions trying to figure out what i need to do. What moves I need to take next...and trying to tell God what doors I think He needs to open...then, i stopped and thought, God doesn't need guidance from me one what to do in my life! I just need to sit back and let Him do His thing!
So, I said "ok God, I've been trying to control things and fix things, and start new things on my own, and it's all fallen apart...I want YOU to have full control. Whatever happens, let it be YOUR will, not mine."
And guess what, He is working it all out! The power of prayer never ceases to amaze me!
It feels soo much better to just give it all up to God. Not to worry--increases joy!
He knows so much better than we do what should be done in our lives.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." [Phil. 4:6]

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." [Jeremiah 29:11]

"You give and take away for my good, for who am i to say what I need, for You alone see the hidden parts of me that need to be stripped away, and as you begin to refine, I'm learning to let go, to rely, on the One who walks with me, as hard as it may be, you're teaching me all the while to say, Bless the Lord!"

Im Alive!

"Loudly I'll sing, loudly I'll live, giving you all I have to give, until the world knows the love that's made me so alive, I'm alive, I'm alive!"
How thankful I am to be alive!...and to have the ability to live "loudly" for Jesus! Ever since coming to South Aiken High from South Aiken Christian, and over the years of watching people make the transition between the two schools, I've seen so many good kids start getting into a lot of junk. Bad mouths, partying, drugs...etc. It's actually really sad to see. Kids who could make something great out of themselves and be such a good influence fall into that trap of the world...it's almost like giving in on their part until they decide to get back to Jesus.
Well, I'm so glad that God has given me this desire to be unswayed by the world, and to want to stay strong and resist all the temptations of high school.

"But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven."[Matt. 10:33]

I pray that I never hide my light and deny Jesus who died for me just because I am so concerned about what my peers may think of me. I plan on having God tell me "well done thou good and faithful servant" when I get to heaven. definitely!

"Do not envy wicked men, do not desire their company;" [Proverbs 24:1]

I don't even want to be involved in the junk of the world because they are the ones that are truly missing out on the relationship with the one who made them...

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." [Romans 12:2]

I am up to that challenge! : )

Stuck

Blog post #2 for the night...
Maybe it's against blogging rules, i dont know...but, i have a lot on my mind : )
So, I am blessed. I have soo very much to be thankful for...all of the people who love me, and opportunities I have to make something of myself, all of the possessions I have, and most of all a Savior who loves me more than words could describe.
All this, and I somehow still find a way to feel sorry for myself sometimes.
I have told myself many a time that I will have no part of self pity because I have no reason for it...but, last night was meltdown time. I think it's just been part of the whole "recovery" process...having the breakdowns space out a lot more, which they have. But, it always leaves an impact on me afterward.
Anyway, it was one of those middle of the night things--when you're like OMG! I have no one to talk to! And of course, God is always there, but I felt like he was on break or something. And there are many people who would make me feel bad about thinking these things, much less putting them into writing. But, these people don't know what it's like. They've never been put in quite the position that I have. Of course, everyone has their own trials, most worse than mine, but still, different. It's only human to wonder what's going on and what's going to happen... and sometimes feel like nothing is happening at all, your just...stuck...I'm not justifying wallowing in your sorrows...not by any means is that okay. But, this is human, and until someone has walked in your shoes they have no right to criticize the way you handle things.
I pray that God will un-stickme...He does have a knack for that sort of thing after all. : )
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified
because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you."
[Deuteronomy 31:5, 6]

"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."
[Psalm 139]
...And when you feel like no one is there holding your hand, and helping you along...

"Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory."
[Psalm 73:23, 24]

The Presence

So, for some reason I don't quite understand a lot of the things that have been going on lately with church and home etc...or maybe I don't agree with, rather.
The presence of God has been very strong lately...or at least that's what everyone says. I'm going to be very honest here for a minute--I don't think the Holy Spirit is the strongest when you are in the four walls of a church. I think it is at it's peak when you are at school, work, home, wherever, and you call on the name of the Lord. The spirit in you is strongest when you are supposed to be witnessing everyday to those who watch you live your life and being a light to those around you, or in the middle of the night when you have no one else to call on. I think that's when the Holy Spirit has the most impact on you and those around you. When you are alone, and your true colors show. Not saying it isn't when you are at church. That's a totally different experience...worshiping with your brothers and sisters in Christ and the Holy Spirit is present...but, not everyone is genuine in that setting.
Well, actually, I think the Holy Spirit is always present. The moment you get saved He enters into your heart, and doesn't leave.
And another thing, I don't believe that you always have to have something to say. That's something I have been told my whole life. Lauren, just learn when to be quiet, and I have...for the most part. That's something that everyone should learn. Some people i feel like say things sometimes just to let the people around them thin that they are some great scholar or something. I mean, even Jesus didn't do that, even though he was all knowing. "It's better to have people think you are a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should always be careful what we say because we will be held accountable for everything we let fly out of our mouths.

Forgiveness

So, as many people already know, I've been holding a certain amount of bitterness toward a certain few people...and as much as I'd love to let it go, it seems like I can't. It hurt me too bad. Well, today I was reading, and this is one of the best forgiveness examples of the Bible that I've seen, which parallels with the ever popular, ever relevant, Jesus dying on the cross for us sinners example...anyway, and i quote, "while they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. Then he fell on his knees and cried out, Lord, do not hold this sin against them."[Acts 7:59-60]

ummm...I know for a fact I would not be asking God to make sure he forgives the people who were stoning me as I spoke. Lord only knows what I'd be saying! But, what love he showed for those people at that moment! He was looking out for the people who hated him...
That's one of the hardest things ever to do--forgive people who aren't sorry, and see no wrong in anything they've done. But, you, me, everybody needs to do it. Jesus did it on the cross for us...forgive them for they know not what they do...it's hard to talk about forgiveness without looking at the ultimate example. Jesus, asking God to forgive the people who hated Him while hanging on a cross, and even going so far as to take the blame for it even though He was perfect. That makes my little issue seem so insignificant, and I should be handing out forgiveness left and right! How many times should we forgive our brother? "And Jesus says, ‘not seven times but seventy times seven’."


"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." [Ephesians 4:31-32]
ohh my. That hit the nail on the head for me. And where there is no forgiveness there is a desire for revenge...which is something I am going to have to hit later on! because boyyy has that been a struggle for me here lately!
Anyway, i'm working on it. Getting rid of all the bitterness toward the few said people...because Jesus Christ forgave me.