Water Walking

So, I feel like I'm always talking about change...change at school, change in friends, change in relationships, change at church, change at home...
Everything changes...except God, of course.
I was just discussing with a friend of mine how everything seems unstable, nothing is definite, nothing is solid--I can't bet that anything will be the same tomorrow as it was today.
I'd almost go so far as to say that we're walking on water. Everyone knows what a wave looks like--how could one possibly remain standing on something so very unpredictable and unstable. On the other hand, Jesus is a solid rock, an anchor for us.
This brings me to the ever popular story of Peter walking on water...or not walking or water, rather. I feel like Peter is always the one getting picked on for his lack of faith, I have to admit I can't guarantee I wouldn't do some of the same things and have some of the same flaws.
Well, anyway, the disciples head out on a boat on the Sea of Galilee ahead of Jesus. Later, once they are a ways out Jesus is like hey, I should catch up to my bffs and just figures that walking would be the quickest way, I guess. The disciples see him and get scared and think he's a ghost?...which at first hearing that I think they are a little ridic...but again, I can't say if i saw a figure walking across the sea I wouldn't think it was supernatural either--but i guess it was...hmmm...
Well, Jesus is like, "take courage it is I, don't be afraid."
Peter, of course, is a little skeptical of this whole situation and says Lord, if it's you tell me to come. So, Jesus does so. He stepped out, saw the wind, and panicked and started to sink...he said "Lord save me!" Jesus immediately reaches out and pulls him up and replies, "You of little faith...why did you doubt?"

This brings me back to me and my friend's conversation...now almost every day seems like one of those walking on water days...but, the instability could become just as if we were walking on land if we trust in Jesus who even if we did start to sink would be our life preserver and pull us right back up--how reassuring! I'm going to go into every day, every unpredictable, crazy, storm-filled, up and down day with the faith that Jesus Christ has my back, so what could go wrong in the end?
: )

"Fear is Faith in Reverse"

anx·i·e·ty
   
/æŋˈzaɪɪti/[ang-zahy-i-tee]
–noun, plural
1.
distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune


So, I've never met a human who is absolutely calm when faced with any situation. Nervousness is a natural feeling, that usually occurs at some point in life. Most people might feel nervous before speaking in front of a large groups of people, or get butterflies before a game, or have jitters before a test. Pretty much anything that it is important for one to do well on, or succeed at will cause nerves because it's a big deal. These nerves are even said to improve performance when the adrenaline gets pumping. This sort of feeling is not quite at the point of anxiety or fear yet. This kind of thing can actually be good for you, and is obviously natural as much as we may hate it.

Fear is a whole different ball game. Fear and anxiety are usually caused by bigger, more serious things. This is common sense stuff, but trust me, I'm going somewhere with this. Sometimes fear is only momentary and it is over quickly, or sometimes it may last a few days or months until what is feared has past. Either way, fear causes worry, which is not a Godly emotion. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear"...When it comes to the point where one is living in a state of fear it is straight from the devil. There are so many things that can cause an absolute spirit of fear in people. Like every other emotion, fear is controlled by the mind. The devil will use a Christian's mind to eat away at him if that is his weak point. But, as a God-fearing people we should not be consumed by this fear of whatever it is..."There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..." [1 John 4:18] God is love.

When your mind becomes consumed with this fear, and anxiety, almost to the point where it can cause panic. It is wrong. It makes your mind weak and your guard is down. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." [1 Peter 5:8]

I will be the first one to say, I have experienced this consuming fear/panic, and I've not been through anything worse. Mostly everyone who is relatively close to me knows that I have panic attacks (I hate calling it that because it sounds super weird). It's not something that I'm proud of at all because it's dreadful, but it's not something I hide either, not to make people feel bad for me, but because telling people makes me feel like I'm not alone with it. Most people's advice to me is "don't feel that way, there's nothing to be afraid of"...but there's absolutely no way they could know this deep feeling of panic unless they've experienced an "attack" because I know I couldn't have understood before this either. I'm not completely sure what triggered it, but I've been dealing with it since 7th grade--the shortness of breath, pounding heart, hot flashes, blurred vision, faintness, sick stomach, trembling, dizziness-- just a feeling of dread and that I have to "get out" for no apparent reason. I know I make this sound like it's a terminal illness or something, and I know I could be way worse off, but when I'm in the moment it seems like the worst thing ever. When it happens, I just have to get up from wherever I am and run to the nearest exit. My thoughts get so jumbled that all I can do is tell myself that it will be over soon and I will be able to relax.

The reason I went into all this is not only because I'm going somewhere with it, but also to vent since the ultimate obstacle of mine is coming up--school. I sometimes joke about it because it's pretty ridiculous, but it's always rough at the beginning of the school year...just the simple act of sitting in a classroom scares the heck out of me...why? because I'm afraid of getting sick and having a full blown panic attack again, this fear causes me to be sick, and it just becomes a whole cycle. There are certain things that I have to do for myself to ease this fear--ridiculous things, but we won't go into that. It has become such a huge part of my life whether i always let on about it, or not.

Now, that I've discussed that I feel like all professionalism about this whole post has been lost, but that's what I needed to get off my shoulders right before school...and if anyone has any advice on this, I will gladly take it because I haven't completely figured it out myself, not to say I haven't made progress. My usual excuse is "I can't help it...or-- I have no way to control it", but 2 Timothy 5:7 says otherwise.
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of self-control."

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."[Isaiah 41:10]
The Lord is with me, and the Holy Spirit is within me all day long. There's a certain comfort...a peace in knowing that when no one else gets it or understands why you worry or are afraid, he does and can bring you that peace that no one else is capable of.

"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you." [Is 26:3]

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." [John 14:27]

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." [Phil 4:6-7]

***Based on the verse above God isn't a fan of worry, and it can become a sin at some point. The spirit of fear is cast out at the presence of Faith...Faith that the Lord is with you always, Faith that you will be okay, Faith that He is the peace speaker, Faith that He gives self-control, and most of all, Faith that He loves you. With an abundance of faith, fear and worry have no room to exist, and the devil has no hold on you.

I'm drowning in Bible verses on this topic, it's crazy. Please keep me in your prayers as this new school year is practically here, and y'all will be in mine for sure. Thanks for listening. : )

"...I know the Peacespeaker, I know Him by my name
I know the Peacespeaker, He controls the winds and
waves
When He says "peace, be still", they have in obey
I´m glad I know the Peacespeaker, yes I know Him by
name..."

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" [Matt 19:14]



It has definitely been a super busy summer! Kiddie camp for the South Aiken
Cheerleaders was today, where we teach kids some cheers and dances and that sort of thing. It was all right at the beginning of the day, but toward the end it started to go downhill--mass chaos. At one point there were about ten games of duck duck goose happening, and fifteen little sally walkers running around the circle.

It impacted me a lot more than i imagined that it would. Even though at times it got crazy, and pretty frequently throughout the day I wanted to pull my hair out, I loved it. I love kids.
I started to think back on the day when I got home. The first thing that came to my mind were the many kids that though they didn't even know me, and they would just come up and put their arms around me and love on me. What unconditional love they showed, to me--a stranger. I don't know where these kids came from, what kind of homes, what kind of family, or what kind of lifestyle. It made me want to love them even more because of the fact that I didn't know that sort of information. I don't know if the little girl's mom ever hugs her or shows any interest in her. I don't know if she has a father who encourages her and shows that he is proud of her, or if he is even present at all. It might have been up to me today to show the girls just a portion of the love that they are missing daily.

See, I grew up in a home where I was surrounded by love and encouragement. I have always been in church, and the first nine years of my life i was taught the Bible in private school everyday by loving teachers. God-fearing people including my whole immediate family and a good bit outside of that were teaching me right from wrong, the love of Jesus, and how to conduct my life in a way that is pleasing to the Lord as i got older. I've taken that for granted pretty much up until recent years because even pretty much all my friends had just as much as I did. So, it seemed to be the norm.

I can't help but wonder why, having realized at this point that not all kids grow up even a fraction of as good as i had it, God would put ME in such a wonderful setting with such a wonderful family and pretty much perfect lifestyle. Why me?!
Every child deserves to be exposed to their creator, to have someone to lead them into His light, and be shown His love, and be given the opportunity to worship Him, because that's all they are searching for--what they were made for.
They are so impressionable. Whatever they see, they do. I know some of them have already been exposed to things that I will never see and would never ever want to. I got saved at a crazy young age when you would think, there's no way that kid could understand what I'm even talking about. But I did!...and they do. It has been proven that babies can in fact, start learning and developing based on their surroundings and exposure to certain things even from the womb, whether it be physical or mental.
Whether their heads and hearts are being filled with Jesus or worldly pleasures and lifestyles is up to the people who are supposed to be their guidance, present or not.

But it dawned on me, the reason that I was given such love and the opportunity to find Jesus is so that i can pass that down to other little ones that don't have the same thing I did. I can help to lead them in the way that they should go so that when they are older they will help add more to the Kingdom of God and feel His love pour out on them every day. I'm not sure what my calling is in that area yet, but i feel sure it is helping children in some way. So, i apologize if I droned a bit, but it's definitely a passion of mine. : )

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost." [Matt 18:12-14]

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." [Prov 22:6]


"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." [Deut 6:6-7]