Agenda

So, I guess i wrote this on Monday when Lindsey and I were in our lonnnggg math class...and just now got around to typing it...But, anywayyy...

Sometimes I feel like God has a checklist with my name on it--like all the things he has planned for me are listed and checked off as they are completed. But one of the biggest things that I struggle with is moving on when God checks off something.
When he says Lauren, good job, you've done what you need to do here and you've learned what you need to learn....but i just can't let it go yet. I feel like this is what prevents me from moving on to greater things.

Someone like Rachel Joy Scott (above picture--if you were wondering who the random girl was), who was shot in the Columbine shooting because she believed in God, who I've always made a role model of since I was little. I think she was an awesome person and I've felt kind of weirdly close to and inspired by her from reading her published journals and books and stuff... I feel like the reason she and other young people and babies who seem to have not had the chance to live yet have actually done just the opposite. God had a plan for her and when she completed it He brought her back to Him.
I believe that focusing so much on one piece of the puzzle keeps me from seeing the big picture. God's plan. Little, petty, earthly things could keep me from growing in the Lord. I dont know why I let that happen, or get so hung up on the smallest(sometimes seemingly large things).
I was in the car yesterday (not yesterday from this date, but from the date I wrote it haha) and I had an epiphany (sometimes you can hear something over and over, but it won't mean anything until a brick falls and hits you and you realize it for yourself). I remembered that God is completely in control of everything. Everything that is happening is contributing to paving the way to help me accomplish the tasks on my life's list, or a piece of the puzzle to the big picture.
All I am is a vessel--I need to get my hands out of things, go with the flow, and let Him use me.
It reminds me of when my sisters were little and asked mom if they could help her do whatever it was she was doing at the time. Sometimes, if it was a big job and it needed to go ahead and get done because we had to go somewhere or something, she would say no, just let me handle it because I already know how to do it and can get it done faster. Sometimes, she would let them help her because it was something that they needed to know how to do or learn from. Sometimes we just just need to stop and let daddy handle it and do what needs to be done in our lives and stop messing around because we don't have much time left!
I don't want to keep something from getting checked off--a life from being saved, a lesson from being learned, a step deeper into the Lord because I have been a stumbling block to myself.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. 16:9" [Proverbs 16:9]

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." [Colossians 3:2]

The Best/Worst Year

So, this school year has been super duper crazy...and I'm almost sad to see it end!
So many great things have happened, but so many other not so good things have happened too. I'm still kind of having trouble absorbing all of it.
Yesterday was super exciting...the baseball boys won their game...so proud of them! and varsity cheerleading was made by me, brenna, lindsey, and shelby! I am beyond excited about that. Can't wait to cheer with my girls!
So, summer is coming, and it's a little bittersweet because while I know last summer can't be topped, this summer will be great as well...
Still thanking God for every good and bad event that has happened this year because it wouldn't be complete without all of it!
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!" [Job 1:21]

It's all about HIM

I have the problem of comparing myself to other people...just going to start off being up front and honest. I do. Like most people, I have the things that I think are good about myself...but then there are just those times when i think about how I can't manage to keep up with so and so. Which leads me to the verse--

"He must become greater; I must become less." [John 3:30]

I always seem to come back to this verse when I start to make comparisons between myself and someone else who I wish certain things about me were like them.
It's not about me anyway.
I'm just a vessel of the Holy Spirit. That's all. Why should I try to worry about doing certain things to glorify myself? Not that I'm putting down bettering yourself at all because that's a great thing to do, but when it's done for attention, then it's wrong.
Lauren Candice Rudd. Her life should not be about her. It should be about Jesus Christ who she lives for. She shouldn't care what others think because all that is whatever.
Therefore, worries of being as good as/better than so and so should not even be present, if you get what im saying.

It all seems to tie back into one thing. Keeping God first.
There's no way that the Lord will become greater than you in your life, and the focus will be off of yourself if your eyes are on other things besides HIM. When He comes first the bad parts of you as a human will begin to fade...and He will be able to come through.

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me." [Exodus 20:3]

We've all heard the: even if you don't consider what you're doing a "god" at all...if it comes before God, it is a god before Him, lesson.
But it's true. Christianity isn't a part time show that you do on the side on Sunday and then go back to school on Monday and put whatever you feel like before Him. I see that too terribly often, and it's not okay.
Your friends will let you down, your boyfriend will let you down...they're only human, they can't fill the void. Your possessions, or your addictions, they for sure can't fill the void, and it will all turn out to be a big let down unless the foundation of your life is Jesus Christ--the solid rock.
All the encouraging Bible verses like: "I can do all things through Christ" and "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"...all those require faith.
If you are a part time Christian, your faith can't be that strong. Faith comes with devotion and trust. Peter, a disciple of Jesus even doubted Him while physically seeing Jesus and the miracles He performed. How can we, those who can't see him, expect to have faith that we can do all things through Him if we don't fully give our hearts up?
Like, if you talked to this random guy once a week for 5 minutes, you're missing a whole part of him. You don't know him, and you sure wouldn't trust tell him a huge secret and expect him to keep it, or trust him with your life.
Same with Jesus. You have to know Him, really know Him to understand how real He is. To comprehend that He can be your best friend even if you can't see Him. To trust that all those Bible verses that you can achieve the impossible through Him.
By YOURSELF, 9 times out of 10 you won't reach the goals and dreams that you set and reach for. But GOD makes the improbable, possible.

So, don't pull a Peter on God. Trust that He can help you walk on water if you put Him first, and take the focus off of your own self.

sorry all that was a little random haha...love much : )

The ones you hurt the most...

So, in eighth grade I had to remember and recite some poem. The one i chose was along the lines of "The Ones You Love the Most" or "The Ones You Hurt the Most". I honestly can't remember which the title was...and i can't find it to save my life. But, the gist was that the people who you love the most are the people who you end up causing the most pain sometimes. A lot of times with me personally, i find this to be true. I just get so comfortable with the people who i know the best, that i start to just kind of say whatever it is that I'm thinking at the time, just because i feel like it's expected of them to forgive me and just to get over it. It's pretty much a terrible habit to get into. I also have one of the shortest fuses with the people that I care about the most. People who i don't know can be terrible to me and I can just kind of let it roll off, but my best friends can do something extremely minor and i just blow a gasket. It's not a good thing at all.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." [Proverbs 15:1]


pa·tience
   /ˈpeɪʃəns/ [pey-shuhns]
–noun
1.
the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.
an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

I usually think the definition of patience as being the latter of the two definitions. But, the first definition seems to be the hardest one to follow for me.
"Patience is love for the long haul." It means slow to anger, or far from anger.

"It means that whatever you do to me you cannot make me hate you, nor can you make me seek revenge or make me hold bitterness or malice toward you. No matter what you do to me I will always seek your highest and best good.
And I will do this with joyfulness, peace and gentleness, because just like the colors of the rainbow, all connect with each other. So the fruit of the Spirit will remain connected with each aspect of the fruit."

People are taught to recognize other Christians by the fruit [of the spirit] that they produce.
"Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers." [Luke 6:44]
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faith, Gentleness, and Self-Control
--All of these fruits will not be able to be produced by someone who is not a Christian. It is only through Jesus in us that we are able to maintain a good attitude during tough times, and show love and the above virtues toward the most annoying people. When others on the outside look at me, I don't want them to think how short of a temper I have and how hard I am to deal with...I want to show Jesus to those who feel like they can't reach Him. I don't want to be a thorn bush or a brier...I want to be like a tree planted by the rivers of living water!

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." [Psalm 1:3]

So to tie it all together:
"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, SLOW TO ANGER, abounding in love and faithfulness." [Psalm 86:15]

I do not want to cause any disunity between myself and my family in Christ--especially not the ones who I absolutely adore the most : )

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus." [Romans 15:5]
--of course i definitely don't have the power to have all the fruit of the spirit without Jesus, but I plan to pray daily that they grow abundantly in my everyday life and that people will be able to see it in me!

I call you Jesus, You're every answer...

I will be the who worships, all of my attention
I wanna be the one Your looking for
Are you looking for someone to love You
Know my heart is with You
I wanna be the one Your looking for


Cause when were finally face to face
All I want to hear You say
Is Ive been the one Your looking for


Cause I call You Jesus, Your every answer
Theres no confusion about Who You are to me
And ill lift my hands to tell what my heart says
A love that goes deeper, not a word can explain

link to "I Call You Jesus--Frontline Worship: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhBQYGrTQ4Y

New favorite song. I walk around all day singing it. Such a worshipful song...

Anyway, This is gonna pretty much be the most random blog ever.
I feel like so many people around me are growing in Christ, including myself, it's unbelievable. It's awesome to see new Christians growing and more experienced Christians getting closer to God. I'd have to say this has been the worst, best, craziest year (or school year, rather) of my entire life, not that my life has been super long or anything, but you know what I mean.
I feel like I've lost a lot of people over this year (just know when i say year i mean school year specifically). I feel like I've gained a lot of people too...if certain things hadn't happened, i wouldn't have met certain people, and i wouldn't have done certain things.
Everything was planned out to reach a certain purpose...the bad was made into good.
Of course the affects of the bad still linger, i still think about it, and it still hurts...but, everything good that came out of it made it worth it.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." [Romans 8:28]



[pictures from our most recent adventure!]

My most recent revelation has been about my singing. I love to sing, I always have. End of story. Thing is, I don't like to sing for things that aren't for the Lord on any stage. When it's for Jesus, I know if I mess up, it doesn't matter because I'm not singing for the people watching anyway. I can just focus on worshiping and helping others to worship along with you.
That's one of the best feelings ever is when you know you've impacted someone during the music part of worship, to look out and see the hands raised, or the tears, or the joy on someone's face. To walk off the stage and know that I just helped lead that...
Brooks (our pianist on Sundays and the youth band leader--and my bestfriend!)has been my mentor in this area, and other areas as well whether he realizes it or not. He is constantly reminding us to worship when we sing, and to be bold, and it's all for the Lord...not for us, or anyone else. This has pushed me out of my comfort zone over the last year, and I'm glad. His worship is as real as I've ever seen. When he and i and Hannah Grace sing together I can't help but worship because the atmosphere is just so genuine. That's what I believe it is to lead worship--to be so wrapped up in the Lord yourself, that others can't help but want to be the same way and take their own step of boldness and follow your lead.
Im realizing now more than ever, especially since our church and our youth are going out to other places to do the music, that singing isn't a just a talent...it's a calling.
Also, mine and Lindsey's most recent endeavor...cheerleading.
I'm not a cheerleader, end of story.
But, this is becoming more than just a "cheering" thing.
Idk what it is...but, it's different. It's a step out of my comfort zone...
I'm going to have to trust God with this whether I make it or not, and just know I did my best. Some people might say I'm being ridiculously too serious about this whole thing, but like I said, it's more than just about "cheerleading" for me at this point.
But, I think one of the best things about trying to achieve this so far is the new people that I'm getting closer to.
One of them, namely, is Brenna! Sweetest girl i've ever met...she has been willing to bend over backwards (sometimes literally!) to help us. If I make the team, I owe everything to her!
I truly feel like God has put her in mine (and Lindsey's) life for a reason she is honestly one of the most genuine people...i dont know, we have all just kind of clicked, and I think if we all(we all meaning lindsey, shelby, and I since brenna def will!) end up making it (or even if we don't) there will be a great friendship ahead! : )

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." [Philippians 4:13]

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." [Philippians 4:6]

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." [Psalm 37:4]

I don't want to be on any spiritual highs or lows...I want to be in love with Him the same every day, all day because He never changes. I want to keep the passion for Him and praise Him even when He seems to be silent...I want those around me to see something different in me. I want to be surrounded by those who love Him as much as I do for support.
I want to take Him seriously, so that He will take me seriously too...and i want to be a serious threat to the devil.
lovvvee muchhh : )

Signs and Wonders

I think that a lot of people don't understand Christians because of the way that they live for a God whom you can't see, or hear, or seemingly have any communication with. The idea just seems unrealistic to a skeptic like some...but, what they don't realize is that our God is more real than anything they have experienced, with the power to communicate, change minds, hearts, and lives.
This post was inspired by reading Lindsey's most recent one. I had been wanting to write it, but wasn't sure when to kind of randomly throw it in, but I am now.
I am definitely guilty of the frequent prayer to have God do something, or show me something, or just straight up audibly say something...which i wouldn't put past Him either...anyway, I feel like that isn't really the right way to handle things. I feel like i should trust Him enough to know that when something is supposed to happen it will, or if I'm supposed to do something I will just know. But, sometimes you just doubt, even some of the greatest people in the Bible did the same. I always think of Gideon when I start to ask for things like signs. I only could remember the gist of the story, so I looked it up [Judges 6]...and sometimes I think we are more like Gideon than we even realize.
Israel was at war with the Midianites. An angel of the Lord came to Gideon and told him stuff like, "the Lord is with you mighty warrior," "I will be with you, and you will strike down the Midianites all together"...now, I'm just gonna go ahead and say if an angel came to me and was telling me all this stuff, I'm pretty sure I'd be convinced at that point, but Gideon just wanted to make sure...he said "If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. Please to not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you." The Lord said, "I will wait until you return."
Long story short, the angel proved himself to be that of the Lord. and ya.
But, Gideon just wanted to be sure that what God was telling him to do was exactly right.
"If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised--look, I will place a wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know you will save Israel by my hand as you said."
Well, God didn't stutter, He knew what He said and meant it. The next day the wool had enough dew on it to wring it out and have a bowl of it. Then he said, "God, don't be angry with me, let me make one more request..." He asked God to do just the opposite as the day before, make the ground wet and the wool stays dry, and it was done. I would be kinda irritated with Gideon if I were, God...but, im not...and this is very good. But, id also have to be irritated with myself because I make similar requests sometimes. Not having to do with fleece or anything because that's a little strange, but with just signs in general.
Quick story and I'm done:
In about 7th grade I was in some drama with some people and just a lot was going on and it was a tough time for me. It was a pretty dumb thing. We had a singing group that would sing in chapel every Wed morning, and I had one of the mics during that time and those of us that had the mics were referred to as "the front line." Well, the lady in charge pulled me aside and said, until you get everything straightened out with all the drama and stuff I'm pulling you off of the front line. Lauren, you have a great voice, and I need you back on the front line. I really need you there. Well, that coming Sunday, there was a prophesying deal, not sure exactly how to phrase it. But they said, "...God needs you back on the front line of battle." [quick explanation: prophesy is just God speaking through someone to the church directly. I'm usually not too much in the middle of that stuff at church, I'm just pretty chill in that area, because that's just kind of how I was brought up, but that's what God chose to use to get to me.] Whether you believe in prophesying or not, every denomination, church, and person has their own beliefs on that controversial topic, and the very last thing I want to do is offend, but this happened, straight up, and it was directly to me in those exact words. God doesn't care where you are, He will get in contact with you and wake you up however he needs to at the time.
More recently, I was at Grandma's, and this was in the middle of a bad time, and I was looking through some book she had. I Opened up to a chapter and read, "Hang in there soldier." The last few words in that chapter. Like straight up. I felt like crying the whole thing was just so real. God was referring back to the front line/soldier analogy from a few years ago til now, knowing that it made a huge impact on me, and I would remember exactly what He was talking about. Some may be skeptical of the whole experience, but it happened...sometimes i dont like to tell that story, and ive only told it to a few people, but it's just part of a testimony and happened to fit right into this. It was real. Just like our God is real. Don't ever doubt his ability to get you on the line, or to show you exactly the kind of sign you're asking for because He will prove you wrong. You are his child, and what kind of parent would completely ignore their child in his/her time of great need? How much more does our heavenly Father love us than our earthly father? He is there always!
lovvvee much : )

half and half?

So, tonight was great...the church went to this other church in Augusta to do the music for a youth thing. So, me, brooks, hannah, hannah grace, trey, jake, alan, and gerry definitely killed it. It was awesome. The church was in a pretty bad area, so a lot of witnessing was done. They had no AC and it was like a gym type of setting. :/ that was kind of a nightmare...but i guess it wasn't so bad. They kept the doors to the place open so you could hear the music echoing down the street. pretty awesome. I'm glad we got to be a witness to a lot of people tonight and thankful for the lives that were saved, and that my voice didn't give out! : )
But, on the other hand, we had to meet at the church at 5. At Lindseys, me, brenna, shelby, camilla, jessica, allison, and lindsey got together to practice cheerleading. It was actually pretty frustating for me, especially since I only got to stay for like 45 mins before I had to run down to my church to meet everybody. It's the MOST aggravating thing ever when everybody gets the hang of something and you're left baffled. pretty annoying stuff. and now I'm extremely far behind because they got to stay for hours after I left to practice. Now what?
I have been praying for this cheering thing to work out for me. It's just a goal of mine, kinda like the pageant, or anything else...well things aren't looking too hot right now. But, I still have a good bit of time left for practicing. I'm praying that next time, God will help me to catch on a little faster since I sacrificed a lot of practice time...but, witnessing comes before all that other stuff.
So, just praying for that, and my other frustrations to fall into place! : )